What drives us to be so uncomfortable talking about our strengths? Give us a compliment or ask us to list our achievements, and most of us will shrink and deflect, our negative thought patterns come and we play small. I asked a recent client “Which of your qualities makes you excellent in your role?” “Ummmm…I know I’m good at my job, but I don’t want to sound like an obnoxious a**hole…” Do you struggle with Read more…
Every January my gym is descended upon by a throng of committed new members who have made some form of new years resolution to be healthier. Usually, most of those new faces have vanished by the end of March. I often wonder about those people. Is their Inner Critic beating them up in April because they stopped going to the gym in March? No matter the type of resolution, we all fall off the wagon Read more…
We’ve internalized that failure is bad Whether it’s math, sports, or social situations, we’ve all had moments where we gave up on ourselves. We “failed” and that became a reason to quit. We interpreted these moments of failure into seemingly unchangeable truths about ourselves. They became our story. We say things like, “ I’ll never be good at math” or “I always say stupid things when I meet new people.” But “failure” is normal! The Read more…
We all have our destructive habits. It’s easiest to think about external habits like smoking, unhealthy eating, or lack of exercise. More than 20 years ago, I was walking with a very good friend, Sean. We saw a group of people smoking cigarettes and Sean commented that those people must hate themselves. We also have habits that can destroy us from the inside. It was an impromptu comment, yet, I want to recognize that self-loathing Read more…
I’m from New Jersey and come from an energetic family of 6. Needless to say, patience is not a trait that comes naturally to me – if at all! One simple example: I can’t stand figuring out technical issues. They normally force me to call in an “expert”. So last January, I declared 2018 the Year of Patience. Instead of telling myself that I couldn’t do it, I took a deep breath and pushed through. I Read more…
Recently, I started working with a new client. He immigrated to the US with his family from China when he was a young boy. The 5 of them made a life together. Now, years later, his parents are happily retired in Florida, and the three grown kids all reside in different parts of the US. They are living the “American Dream.” This client has been visiting China for business and pleasure and would really like Read more…
Gratitude isn’t only for when you’re already feeling happy, it’s a practice you can cultivate for every day, including the hard ones. Expressing gratitude for what we don’t have On a personal level, making gratitude a conscious practice has been a life changer. Growing up, I was a glass-half-empty kind of person. I had a tendency to compare myself to others and focus on faults. Technically, I had a very comfortable life, but I Read more…
The other day, I was listening to a talk by Ajahn Achalo (a favorite of mine on InsightTimer) about how bad things get so much press coverage. We rarely celebrate the good stories -especially the every day ones that happen all the time. All the people out there who are taking care of their babies. They feed them, change their “nappies”, and comfort them when they cry. It’s easy to overlook the mundaneness of changing diapers. Yet, Read more…
Life can be demanding and its easy to feel like we are too busy to do ‘self-care’. We don’t have time for that, but we still want to be calm and balanced. Who’s got time to meditate for an hour? Or hour-long massages and mani-pedis? Self-care is a lot easier than you think! A quick dose of self-care can help you get a fresh start to your day, or reboot your day during that 2-3pm afternoon slump. Read more…
“I’ve never been good with numbers.” “Ugh, I should know this by now.” “I’m not experienced enough to lead this.” What negative thoughts have you feeling stuck? Why are you feeling held back? If you’re so frustrated that your quality of life is affected, consider how your looping negative thoughts might be getting in the way. But don’t worry, you’re not alone! We’ve all got a few negative loops. They especially like to show up Read more…