A few weeks ago, I received an email looking for coaches to co-lead a session introducing prospective coaches to The Co-Active Training Institute (CTI). My heart started beating quickly.

We all have activities that give us that stomach-churning feeling of falling. I call these our “Personal High Dives.” One of my biggest high dives is public speaking.

Even thinking about having to speak in front of a group with all eyes on me, would bring about those familiar feelings of discomfort and nerves: heart racing, hands clamming up, perspiration, losing my train of thought, and snapping at loved ones.  

On top of that, CTI is a very important place to me. This is the school where my coaching journey began. Where a light went off and my life would be forever changed. I think back to my first class, feeling a bit skeptical because in my mind, I was already a coach! 😂 I also recall those judgments and feelings of skepticism being quickly disarmed and deciding within the first 15 minutes that I was just then beginning my coaching journey. I knew, without a doubt, that I would go the whole way through certification. I ended up also participating in their 10 month leadership course in between. 

The email had arrived while I was in the middle of writing about having a growth mindset.  I had to face this fear. Being seen in my discomfort and nervousness has been something I’ve avoided all of my life, up until now. I knew I needed to challenge myself. 

So, I enthusiastically responded that yes, I wanted to participate and co-lead! I figured I would have time to work through my “issues”.

As I write this, it’s the evening before that event. I’ve assisted at these events before, but this specific evening will be my first time leading from the front of the room, dancing in the moment with my more experienced co-leader. There’s no script, but there is a basic agenda.The experience is  a form of improv. 

The old me would have been reading all sorts of materials and focusing on how stressed and nervous I would feel. We know when we’re not in flow: feelings of frustration, forcing and angst can consume us. We’re stuck, or there’s an obvious obstacle and that becomes our focus. 

This time, I focused on Being, on actively ‘Not Doing”. I know the material because I practice and hone my skills every day with my clients and with my own coach. I reflected: How did I want to show up?  What impact did I want to make on these newbies? What was a wanting for these fresh faces who’s curiosity about coaching would merge our paths?

Those anxious feelings and stress responses have kept their distance. I’m in the zone. I’m feeling a calm that I’ve never experienced before any kind of event like this. A feeling I can only describe as flow!

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